July 2, 1998

Death, Grief, and Loss

I believe the only way to truly appreciate a loved one who has made his transition is to start to think of, and then truly experience, ourselves as eternal beings. I think some special folks share themselves with us in lifetimes over and over again. Others come together with us to play for awhile. We then separate to have a joyous reunion at a later time. Some of us have so many beloved playmates one life just can't hold them all. It is as if I had rented a house for a month at the beach. Some friends may come for one time and then some others may come later. If twenty friends visited all at once, I would be overwhelmed. But, perhaps six could come for one week, filling the house with laughter, and four others arrive on another weekend to play beach volleyball. Three others might come another weekend to get great tans, and eight individuals might come alone just for a day of picnicking, conversation or rest. As each went home, I would still have plenty of days to lie in the hammock, read a novel and be lazy by myself.

I believe we can have relationships with people who are living in the nonphysical, as well as with those who are currently living in the physical. The secret is we cannot connect with those in nonphysical unless we can match their vibration. They are now very clear, of a high, pure, and fast vibration. As long as we are missing them, experiencing our pain at losing them, we do not have access to them. However, as we find ways to think of them with joy, we remember why we loved them. Our energy joins theirs and we are reunited. They are then with us always. I had two experiences the year after my husband Cliff made his transition where I was engulfed in a huge wave of love from him. Abraham-Hicks calls this sensation "being hugged from the inside out."

This to me is one of the ultimate lessons in life. We are always alive in the nonphysical and sometimes alive in the physical. All of our love is always alive, vibrant and delightful.

When I look up, I see forever. My life as Connee Chandler is just one tiny fragment of the whole of my essence. It is a vitally important fragment, because it is one in which I get to learn, grow, and evolve in my consciousness. It is the one where, at the moment, I am basking in the deliciousness of this physical experience. I am grateful to be alive. I love my life. I want to know all of it, not just this part of it who happens to have a physical presence now. In order to do this, I have to expand my consciousness to include my broad, eternal perspective.

All physical life is temporary. If we can't come to grips with this basic condition of life, we will never be truly happy, truly filled with joy. We will try to hold on tightly to what we have now, and suffer without end when we lose it. Life, being temporary, will just become one layer of loss upon another, increasing in suffering until we finally give up and die. But it is possible to see life as an eternal dance, ever moving forward, occasionally changing partners, friends, or family members. Life is a dance, perfectly orchestrated. When one important person sits down for a rest, the next equally important, loving person takes his or her place in the dance for a time.

 I want more than anything else in my life to give and to receive love. It is not possible to truly love and also worry at the same time. Nor can we grieve and love simultaneously. When we purely, unconditionally love others, we give them the freedom of their life. It is their choice, from their nonphysical perspective, when they choose to live and die. When we grieve endlessly, we are denying them their choice. Their dying ultimately has nothing to do with us. The only death which is ours to choose is our own. I want to die as a choice, when I am full of this life experience and ready to begin the next. Until my time, I want a life as full of blessings, joy, love, and grace as I can create. This is the only perspective I have found which allows me to let go. I choose to release to the Universe all of those I love to their own life and responsibility. I now take total responsibility for my life and my experience. I desire to be connected to Spirit, loving and joy filled all the days of my life, regardless of what happens in the world around me.

I believe feeling good is the evidence of my connection to my soul. When I feel bad, I'm receiving a message from my soul saying the direction of my thoughts is counterproductive to my intentions in life. Any thought which takes me away from my good is a thought about which my soul gives me a negative emotion. As I listen to and honor my negative emotion, I am strengthening my connection to my guidance. So, in this moment I may feel sad. What am I thinking? I am thinking my loved one is lost to me. Ouch, that thought hurts. Not only is my loved one lost to me then, but my connection to God is lost to me in the thought. What do I want? I want to feel good, to feel connected to Spirit, to feel connected to my loved one. What thought could make me feel good? The thought that my loved one is still alive, eternally, infinitely alive. My loved one is here for me in Spirit right now, always available for me in my heart and in my love. I feel more strongly about this subject than almost any other I can conceive. I cry, I feel sad, and then I consciously choose to think thoughts of love, of beauty, of life, of God. Then I feel happy again.

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