MARCH NEWSLETTER

SPIRITUAL PRACTICE FOR BUSY PARENTS

February 2005 newsletter

So much has been said about the difficulty of having a deep spiritual practice when one chooses the life of the householder. In many, if not most, traditions it is thought that one must give up family life and worldly pleasures in order to have a deep committed practice. I know that before I became a mother I questioned whether or not I would be able to have a strong practice and still maintain a family life. So what is spiritual practice and how does it relate to the person who has chosen to stay in the everyday world of work and family life?

Firstly, spiritual practice is not the same as religion. One can have a deep spiritual practice without being involved with a religion and one can be very involved with a religion without having a spiritual practice. Both religion and spirituality have their value and spiritual practice is arguably best sustained when one has both. Just because a Buddhist practices Christian prayer or a Christian or Jew practices meditation does not mean that they have changed their religion. A Buddhist can deepen their connection with the ground of all being through prayer and a Christian can deepen their connection with God through meditation.

The essence of practice is to deepen ones connection to God, Divinity, the ground of all being, Buddhichitta, Allah, the Divine Mother or whatever language you want to use to express that which is at the core of all things. I’ve found that absolute truths can be found cloaked in different language by different religions. Spiritual practice is that which brings us closer to our core, brings us into oneness with that still, limitless source from which all things spring.

So, why is practice so essential to all spiritual traditions? Why can’t we simply read the teachings and become enlightened? Ahh...would that it were that easy! We practice to remember who we are. The lure of delusion is so strong. We need to keep remembering that we are more than the lost job, more than the irritation we feel when the baby keeps crying and we don’t know what to do, more than the ache in our heart when we loose someone or something we love dearly. Life keeps pulling the wool over our eyes and we practice to lift that veil and see the radiant, changeless truth behind the fuzzy illusions.

Monks and nuns of all traditions devote their lives to practice. They do not have the distractions we householders have. They live simply and with a minimum of attachments. There is a good reason for that. All the distractions make practice harder. There are advantages to the contemplative life but there are advantages to the householders life as well. Householders learn to love deeply, to serve selflessly and have ample opportunities to practice letting go. It is much easier to not get pulled into attachment when we do not have children. It is much easier to practice mindfulness when we do not have dozens of things to do, places to drive, and people to feed and cloth. The householders practice needs to take into account these realities and celebrate that the attachment we get pulled into can help us learn to love deeply and the dozens of things we do each day teach us how to multi-task, which serves us in creating a spiritual practice out of our daily lives.

I want to start by saying that a practice is something we do over and over again. We cannot expect ourselves to do it once or twice or three times or four times or... and have it be fully embodied. We can expect to stray and so need to be kind with ourselves when we do. Just as when we meditate we catch ourselves drifting off into thought over and over again we will also find ourselves doing and saying things we wish we wouldn’t do or say. This is normal, this is natural. So practice must be entered into with great kindness and generosity towards ourselves. Patiently we fall and pick ourselves up again just as we would with a child who is learning to walk.

Some suggestions for everyday mindfulness practice:

**while waiting in line be aware of breathing in the present moment as it is and breathing out peace.

**while holding your loved one be aware of the preciousness of the moment.

**while washing dishes be present as you feel the water on your hands, as you rub the dish, as you place the dish on the drain board.

**While walking down the street become aware of the present moment each time you step down or up a curb.

**while making your tea be aware of the steam coming from the kettle into the teapot.

**when experiencing an irritating sound or situation take a moment to relax into what is. Remember that everything is impermanent and this will become a distant memory.

**when experiencing a triumphant moment remember that everything is impermanent and this too will become a distant memory.

**when you feel your anger or jealousy or desire remember that this is part of being human and let those feelings dissipate. Forgive yourself.

**before speaking take a conscious breath.th.

Jacqueline